After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
