Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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