K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
