This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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