Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
