Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
