Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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