What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
