I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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