no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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