i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
