Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
