____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
