Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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