Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize