We got so high we made milksteak
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
