you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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