This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
