Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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