glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize