dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
