I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
