Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
