i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
