Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
