i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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