i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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