i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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