found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
