I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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