I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Operation Purity has been aborted
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
