So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
