Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
