how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
