I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he thought i was a dude.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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