just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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