I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
