Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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