Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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