You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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