I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.