I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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