I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
