but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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