I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
