he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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