Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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