I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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