Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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