Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
