Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
