If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
