i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we should paint friendship bongs
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
