Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
