I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
