I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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