..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
so much tequila, so little girl.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
